the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Counterpoint, my good man:
Dragonsfuck
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPERhorny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
triple-counterpoint:
you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post
OP is right and they should say it
Actually…
As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and
fuck the dragon.
I’m not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so
Anonymous asked: you know that feeling when you're playing inquisition and you ask yourself: How the fuck did LELIANA, the pro-mage, pro-chantry changing left hand of the divine, and CASSANDRA, a SEEKER OF TRUTH, both who went to Kirkwall and at least read something about the chaos there, let CULLEN join the Inquisition. Bonus points if Leliana romanced Amell/Surana
yes i think about it constantly and what @glitchedpartychat and i decided is that they only brought him on to get him away from the circle(s) and keep an eye on him. keep your friends close and your enemies closer!
Assuming this theory of them generally being worried about him going back to his Yikes Ways, why do you think wouldn’t they just dispose of him? Imo it seems far-fetched to me that they’d take him into their ranks if they didn’t fully trust him 🤔 or am I just interpreting things differently?
which actually supports @thevillainofthisstory‘s point above where leliana/the inquisition could be just using cullen while also keeping him under close watch. after all, it’s much easier/more beneficial for them to recruit him for their cause and use whatever influence and skills he has than it is to either a) let him continue with the order knowing how abusive he is towards mages or b) straight up kill him lol
im watching spongebob squarepants and havin a lot of trouble figuring out if this episode is deliberately gay or if it was purely accidental that they made an episode where squidward develops a full-on crush on his new neighbour because they both play wind instruments
omg they’re painting pictures of each other….need me a freak like that
fellas is it gay to admire another fish’s interior decoration 🤔
this is more dramatic than the entirety of the fault in our stars
